Tuesday, September 9, 2014

WHAT WE NEED IS UNDERSTANDING

A HIGH PROFILE MAN LOSES HIS JOB AFTER IT IS ESTABLISHED THAT HE IS A BATTERER.  THE NEXT DAY HIS WIFE DEFENDS HIM AND THEIR LIFE. THESE ARE THE FACTS AS I KNOW THEM FROM MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE(S) WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:  #1. IT IS A SCOURGE; #2. IT IS NOT UNUSUAL FOR BOTH BATTERERS AND VICTIMS TO HAVE WITNESSED DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THEIR FAMILY AS CHILDREN AND/OR TO HAVE BEEN ABUSED THEMSELVES; #3. WE DON'T GET TO STAND IN JUDGEMENT.  I HAD SOME VERY NAIVE VIEWS ABOUT PARTNER ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WHEN I STARTED IN THIS FIELD.  MY HOPE IS TO BE A VOICE OF EDUCATION, REASON, AND PROTECTION.


ONCE WHEN I WAS A MUCH YOUNGER WOMAN
MUCH.YOUNGER.
I WORKED AT THE BATTERED WOMEN’S PROGRAM
WITH THE SECRET ADDRESS
AND CONFIDENTIALITY STATEMENTS
OH HOW COOL WAS THAT???
I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON’T KNOW
INFLATED EGO
SMALLISH MIND
UNTIL THE DAY I WAS CLOSING FILES
AND SAW SOMEONE’S NAME I KNEW
AND RESPECTED
WHO WAS SMART
AND EDUCATED
DOING THE JOB OF CARING FOR OTHERS
SO. VERY. WELL.
HOW?

THEN I SAT THROUGH A TRAINING
AND HEARD A WOMAN CRY.
SHE HAD ACCIDENTALLY KILLED
HER HUSBAND DURING A FIGHT
(STABBING HIM REPEATEDLY. HER EFFORT
TO GET HIM TO STOP PUNCHING HER)
“BEFORE THE FIGHT? THAT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF OUR LIVES”
THE SENIOR COUNSELORS DARED ME WITH
THEIR EYES
TO WALK OUT
MY DISGUST WAS SO APPARENT
GOING TO SLEEP WITH A KNIFE UNDER HER PILLOW
JUST. IN. CASE.
WHO?

SOME LESSONS YOU LEARN
ONLY THROUGH THE LIVING
WHEN LEAVING MEANS
ABUSES OF OTHER KINDS
WHEN STAYING MEANS
YOU HAVE NOWHERE TO GO
IS A VICTIM ANY LESS A VICTIM
IF SHE UNAWARE
OR IF HE IS TOO
PLEASE. NO. MORE.