Tuesday, September 9, 2014

WHAT WE NEED IS UNDERSTANDING

A HIGH PROFILE MAN LOSES HIS JOB AFTER IT IS ESTABLISHED THAT HE IS A BATTERER.  THE NEXT DAY HIS WIFE DEFENDS HIM AND THEIR LIFE. THESE ARE THE FACTS AS I KNOW THEM FROM MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE(S) WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:  #1. IT IS A SCOURGE; #2. IT IS NOT UNUSUAL FOR BOTH BATTERERS AND VICTIMS TO HAVE WITNESSED DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THEIR FAMILY AS CHILDREN AND/OR TO HAVE BEEN ABUSED THEMSELVES; #3. WE DON'T GET TO STAND IN JUDGEMENT.  I HAD SOME VERY NAIVE VIEWS ABOUT PARTNER ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WHEN I STARTED IN THIS FIELD.  MY HOPE IS TO BE A VOICE OF EDUCATION, REASON, AND PROTECTION.


ONCE WHEN I WAS A MUCH YOUNGER WOMAN
MUCH.YOUNGER.
I WORKED AT THE BATTERED WOMEN’S PROGRAM
WITH THE SECRET ADDRESS
AND CONFIDENTIALITY STATEMENTS
OH HOW COOL WAS THAT???
I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON’T KNOW
INFLATED EGO
SMALLISH MIND
UNTIL THE DAY I WAS CLOSING FILES
AND SAW SOMEONE’S NAME I KNEW
AND RESPECTED
WHO WAS SMART
AND EDUCATED
DOING THE JOB OF CARING FOR OTHERS
SO. VERY. WELL.
HOW?

THEN I SAT THROUGH A TRAINING
AND HEARD A WOMAN CRY.
SHE HAD ACCIDENTALLY KILLED
HER HUSBAND DURING A FIGHT
(STABBING HIM REPEATEDLY. HER EFFORT
TO GET HIM TO STOP PUNCHING HER)
“BEFORE THE FIGHT? THAT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF OUR LIVES”
THE SENIOR COUNSELORS DARED ME WITH
THEIR EYES
TO WALK OUT
MY DISGUST WAS SO APPARENT
GOING TO SLEEP WITH A KNIFE UNDER HER PILLOW
JUST. IN. CASE.
WHO?

SOME LESSONS YOU LEARN
ONLY THROUGH THE LIVING
WHEN LEAVING MEANS
ABUSES OF OTHER KINDS
WHEN STAYING MEANS
YOU HAVE NOWHERE TO GO
IS A VICTIM ANY LESS A VICTIM
IF SHE UNAWARE
OR IF HE IS TOO
PLEASE. NO. MORE.




 

Friday, August 29, 2014

NINE YEARS AGO

I would never suppose that my experience of Katrina was worse than that of my family, friends and others who lived through it. Yet for those of us who call New Orleans home but no longer live there, it was a different kind of hell: watching your cherished home and family flooded out; being unable to communicate with loved ones for days and days and wondering if they were still alive; watching the clumsy attempts of elected officials trying to “help” and feeling helpless yourself; spending hours and hours scouring message boards trying to locate and connect with family and friends.  Before Katrina I could easily say that "all my family lives in New Orleans". Not so today; we are scattered between Texas, Atlanta, the Midwest and other places too. I am grateful we have scattered because at the very least it means that we have survived. Still, on August 29th each year I remember, I reflect, I get angry (citizens of the US who lose their homes may be DISPLACED, but are not REFUGEES), I cry and try to make meaning of it all


Depressed by water
Oppressed by water
Upset by water
Beset by water
The world watches
My hometown drowns
Water water everywhere
Not to baptize
But to destroy
Horror water
Warring water
Besieged by water
Beleaguered by water
Water Water
From my eyes
9 years later
Still we cry





Here is a link to pictures of my family’s home as it looks today and one from a couple of months after the flooding.  Still kind of horrifying, but we have some really good memories in this house!






Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Words Are The Thing

If you persist
The words will eventually come
Keep striding
Untiring
They’ll spill out onto the page
Bringing Life
Longing
Unshed tears
Unearthed from your soul
Birthed as prayers
And unsung songs
Taking residence in a world
Of their own
Exhale
Then they’re gone
Excised bits of marrow and bone
A necessary rending
Left undone
It becomes wrenching
Unbearable barrenness
An ardent remedy is ready:

The words are the thing

Thursday, June 26, 2014

50 (+) Things I Learned From Daddy




June is not an easy month for me. My father’s birthday was on June 9. Father’s Day has been bittersweet for me since Daddy died on June 26 (that’s right, June again) 1990. It’s been 24 years this year since I’ve had my Daddy. He lives on in my heart, in my memories, in the wisdom he shared. I need to celebrate him so I will share some of his wit to honor him and his memory.  

He taught me:

  1. Appreciation of a good steak (and it can’t be found at Outback, sorry)
  2. The importance of staying involved (in your community, church, etc.)
  3. Children matter
  4. How to tip well (and why you always should)
  5. The beauty of the Arts (Ballet, Opera, Jazz, the Symphony)
  6. Register to vote and then DO IT!
  7. How to keep a well stocked liquor cabinet
  8. The difference between good liquor and really fine liquor
  9. The medicinal purposes of some alcohol
  10. The difference between a real football fan and a fan of a particular football team
  11. How to grocery shop and meal plan
  12. How to identify corrosion on battery cables, get rid of said corrosion and keep it at bay (not with a Coke either)
  13. How to change a tire;
  14. The value of keeping a Triple A membership
  15. How to drive a stick shift AND the purpose of each gear;
  16. When to shut up
  17. How to give someone “The Look” that will make them shut up
  18. Mystery stories (a la Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine)
  19. That there is more than one way to worship God; just because someone doesn’t go to the same church as you do, or share your faith doesn’t mean that they love God any less;
  20. Being impulsive and indulging whims
  21. Never forgetting a kindness
  22. There is no good reason to wait to tell someone you love them or better yet to show it
  23. POETRY! (he gave me my first book of poetry; thank you Daddy)
  24. Pastrami sandwiches (I know this may seem like a small thing, but there are few “real” Jewish delis in New Orleans)
  25. New Orleans is not the only place in the world to live nor is it the only place in the world with good food (see # 24 and the pastrami comment)
  26. There is no other place in the world quite like New Orleans and if you leave, you will always miss it (I do)
  27. Always look for a bargain
  28. Editors edit, commentators comment, and critics critique. It’s their job to do so, but that doesn’t mean that they are always right
  29. Pajamas can be the garment of choice in many situations
  30. Neither education alone, nor IQ can predict achievement; however...
  31. Education is important;
  32. Don’t be a doormat
  33. READ!
  34. PRAY…more than once a day
  35. “War is hell, and doubly so when you’re Black” (written by Daddy to me on the face sheet of Come Out Fighting, the book which chronicles the feats of his Tank Battalion, the 761st, in WWII)
  36. Family is made up of the people you love…whether or not there exist “blood ties”
  37. Don’t just learn how to cook, learn how to cook well
  38. There is a proper way to wash the dishes (glassware first!)
  39. Standards (the musical kind)
  40. To spontaneously break into song anywhere and for any reason
  41. Counting to 10 before losing it (I’m still working on this one as was Daddy before he died)
  42. A love of learning
  43. Sometimes race matters when it shouldn’t (and vice versa)
  44. That I am just as smart as anyone else
  45. It doesn’t matter what people think of you as long as YOU know what you’re doing
  46. Familiarize yourself with Public Transportation…always
  47. Your opinions are just that: YOURS. If people want to know, they’ll ask
  48. Don’t ask the hard question if you are not ready for the answer (and then don’t get angry if you ask anyway and GET the hard answer)
  49. LAUGH…a lot!
  50. Sometimes all you have to offer is a cool drink, and that will be enough
  51. You cannot buy class (although he would have used the term "deportment")
  52. Quality tobacco does not smell badly. If your cigar stinks, then it's probably a cheap one
  53. The benefit of hard work
  54. Good parents are usually the experts on their children, so don't let "experts" make recommendations for your children with which you do not agree. Be an advocate...a STRONG one

I could probably keep this list going on and on as I think about my Father and what he meant to me. Much of what am I today comes from lessons like these. It is in this that he lives on; I am comforted and I can smile.  Memories are the treasure I get to keep.






Tuesday, June 24, 2014

SHOTS…THOUGH THE LIVES OF MY SONS

Sometimes it seems like time has taken up hyper-speed in my life with my sons. Events of many years ago evoke emotion like it was yesterday.  This is one way for me to capture lots of event in their lives like a time capsule, if you will...in terms of "Shots"



Shots
The first ones ever
Those necessary evil needles
Piercing your skins
As your cries do likewise to the air
And my insides melt
With each yelp

Shot
My nerves are, that is
From utter exhaustion
Night feedings
Your energy as you move like a
Well…a Shot!

Shots
The hold-my-breath
Hope he makes it into the basket kind
Or into the net
Standing around pool tables
With little to offer
In the way of skill
Though a wealth of stadium cheers
Well inside me
Whether victory or defeat
Cheering cheering cheering you on


Shots
The low blow kind
Wasted words on me
Whose love cannot be
Diminished
With wanton ways
Slanderous sayings
Who’ll by no means be
Rejected, ejected
From you three

Shots
Fired at a local high school
How is it that I remained standing
When I lost my legs
That day
And couldn't answer your,
“Mom, what happened?”
And did not exhale until
We sat in Asian Bistro
With your appetite intact
Intellect intact
Bright, brilliant, brown eyes
Making fun of the kid
Who peed out the window

Shots
The Rite of Passage
Alcohol kind
Downed in haste
With no thought
Of disgrace
Landing flat on your ass
Falling flat on your face

Shots
Picturesque
Witty
Whimsical
Wild
Expansive
Expressive
Wow’ed by your talent
Your inspired eye

Shots
Unflinchingly
Facing the future
Dauntlessly dancing
Free
From constraint
From complacency
From expectation
I sit in the stands
Clapping madly
Though the finish line
Is nowhere in sight






Thursday, June 19, 2014

In the Absence of Chaos



In those moments of quietude In the early darkness before sunrise when the world is at rest I gather the bits of silence about myself like frayed colored ribbons torn loose from some fabric only to weave them into a mantle I drape over my shoulders and sometimes my head. Then the real work begins... to excavate the secrets of my soul. For it is only in stillness can we abide at the crossroads of Why and Now. And without haste make a choice to venture one way or the other. Or to even turn around and face the Sun. Naked we stand in a world without sound for it is then we feel a touch from God; Hush lest you miss the voice of the Almighty

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

HONEY MOON

Last Friday the 13th there was an astronomical rarity with the appearance of a
Full "Honey Moon".  From the stories that circulated about this occurrence, a full moon falling on a Friday the 13th in June hadn't been seen since June 13, 1919.  The next one will be June 13, 2098.  It was bright. It was beautiful. It really was honey colored. And it inspired the following.



I saw the Honey Moon
Hanging there so brilliantly
And when its light shone in my eyes
It brought to mind my own Honey

Wondering if that Honey Moon 
Was shining somewhere on my sweet Honey
Since that Honey of mine
Wasn't lying next to me

They say that eyes 
hadn't seen the Honey Moon
For almost 100 years
Please tell me why then Honey Moon
Does your honey light only bring me tears

My sweet honey's far away from me
Your honey light makes that so clear
Go away now honey moon
Go and cast your light elsewhere

My honey's gone
There's only darkness
Guess that's the end 
Of this honeyed affair