Beneficial

Everything is permitted, but everything isn't beneficial. Everything is permitted, but everything doesn't build others up.1 Corinthians 10:23 CEB

Best for me
Enough food enough sleep
No disregard of my needs
Excellence in my choices
Fruitful in my pursuits
I lack nothing to
Create an environment
In which I thrive
All praise to God whose
Loving-kindness guides me

Heeding Hearing Learning

In my work as a Crisis Therapist dire situations are a part of my everyday world but I take it on the chin and then move on to the next case. As I am working on becoming a better me through weight loss and the Made to Crave Bible Study, my desire was for things to be different this time when I progressed through the study.  I want to be mindful of why I am eating and how God wants me to respond.  The following is the result of my work-a-day world intersecting with my Spiritual world.

Tonight I crave a splurge:
an eating binge.
I've consumed what I need, but I crave…more.
I crave.
It's cold outside. Frigid.
I have an hour to kill.
I crave.
Food calls to me with its siren song of promise, of comfort, of satisfaction.
I bought the "buy one get one free" croissants, but haven't indulged.
I need to be filled.
I crave.
So I drive through Starbucks,
but only leave with the 100 calorie drink instead of the salted caramel square.
(Can someone explain why the lo-cal drink costs twice as much as the aforementioned square?).
Then I hear God's voice inside of me..."sit with the pain".
Hearing is fine.
Heeding is hard.

But sit I do...
Here I sit. Sit. Sit.
Ahh...here it comes.
Sit with the suicide of a client.
Less than 24 hours out of the hospital and she's dead.
Her name scrawled carelessly on our "hot cases board".
In red no less,
Could it be more macabre?
And all the while she was already gone.
After 20 plus attempts I was dismissive of her:
Dismissive of her pain.
"Oh yeah, her again"!
There was nothing new to say in Rounds:
No fresh clinical insight or treatment regimen.
My prayer is that next time I'll be less dismissive and say,
"Hey now, remember Miss C." and do better.

I heard:
I need to be filled with compassion, not food.

I heeded:
When I sit with the pain
God sits with me.

I learned:
And on this other side there is
Peace.

Heartlines (for Al)

 I have been blessed with an amazing family: parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, cousins of cousins, nieces and nephews...you name it! Growing up, I remember our "family" was made up of so much more than those people we were connected to by bloodlines. I was in high school before I realized that my Uncle Phillip was not really my dad's brother. Didn't matter, he was still my Uncle Phillip. And so it is with my friend, Al. He's my brother...I just had to move to Maryland to find him.

 

You touch fire
My skin burns

It goes deep Brother
We’re that deep Friend
Cut me
And you'll be
Crimson stained
Unrelated
Still family

There's a boy inside
You let him out sometimes
Look to the sky Boy
Look up to the sky
Gaze at the stars
Don't you know

Heaven awaits you
To find your way home
Where there are hands to hold
Smiles to cheer
Standing together
We are family

Hommage an meine Schwester

My eldest sister, Irene, was a bit older than me when I was born.  It was so cool having a big sister who had the maturity of a parent figure but the understanding of....well... a sister.  I have countless memories with her and the life lessons she taught me. She taught me to have courage. When I was ill and needed help, I called her and said "Come". She was there in less than 24 hours.  In the maelstrom of my divorce and single parenthood she carried me. I have so many, many more instances of her compassion and dedication, but I hope these words will somehow cover all she has been and still is to us and our family.

She is June's brilliant bloom
In a garden choked by weeds
Golden and shining and proud
Only sunlight may kiss
Let showers caress
's no vessel worthy
Of holding this flower
Blossom whose beauty is power

She is California sunlight
And a Cape Cod breeze
New Awlins dahlin'
More than a peach
She's a plum
The heady Jasmine
On a still humid night
Before the rains
have begun

She's the Queen of Sheba
I reign, I rein  
(Hold it...Hold it...Hold It til It Hurts)   
Oh but her scepter is peace
And the crown that she wears
Of nobility rare
Garnered from
Loss outside grief


She is a place of solace
That bids me welcome
Without a word
She shhh's the roiling tempest
Until calamity has passed
Stilling every raucous wave
Safe harbor from all harm
Not father's face
Nor mother's embrace
But in my sister's arms

She is a balm of healing
Her prayers the Sukkah
Of our lives
Entwined with hope beneath
An arduous sheath
Moments erring or
Despairing
Comfort is only then derived
Not from lover’s touch
Nor from mere good luck
My sage sister will she rise

Beltway Dawn

Mournful morning Awning
Vast in blue-black-indigo
Formless and shapeless
Seemingly seamless
Hinting at the dawning
of the world
Mysterious gaping maw
Are you
Marveling
at the beauty of it all?
Yawning
at the tyranny of tedium?
Blue-gray-lavender now
While yonder on the horizon lolls the
Slightest shimmer sliver of pink
God’s validation
That darkness will away

For Sunil (7/3/2103)

This summer the very dear friend of my dear friends lost her son to Mental Illness.  I was so touched by the service they had for him which celebrated his life, but also addressed the scourge of his illness.  This is the outpouring of my heart for Marcia and her family.




A sudden summer storm sprang
Up that day
A wonder
The likes of which no one
Had seen before
Unnatural, unique
Unless…
You count the bright brilliant star
That streaked across the sky
Over New Delhi
Some 20 years earlier
Bringing with it (some said)
The hope of light and promise
Today there is only water
The deepest, darkest blue Heavens cry
Angels weep
Water Oh Water
Wash away the ache, the grief
Wash it well away
Until all that remains is
Love

BRUISES

Naked body in the mirror

Marked with spots of black and blue

Begs the question, makes one ponder

Is it irony

That the marks are born

From lover's touch

And doctor's too?

Appearing battered

on the surface

But Oh!

What lies beneath

Don't fix your mind to ever wonder

The shell belies her naked truth