Heeding Hearing Learning

In my work as a Crisis Therapist dire situations are a part of my everyday world but I take it on the chin and then move on to the next case. As I am working on becoming a better me through weight loss and the Made to Crave Bible Study, my desire was for things to be different this time when I progressed through the study.  I want to be mindful of why I am eating and how God wants me to respond.  The following is the result of my work-a-day world intersecting with my Spiritual world.

Tonight I crave a splurge:
an eating binge.
I've consumed what I need, but I crave…more.
I crave.
It's cold outside. Frigid.
I have an hour to kill.
I crave.
Food calls to me with its siren song of promise, of comfort, of satisfaction.
I bought the "buy one get one free" croissants, but haven't indulged.
I need to be filled.
I crave.
So I drive through Starbucks,
but only leave with the 100 calorie drink instead of the salted caramel square.
(Can someone explain why the lo-cal drink costs twice as much as the aforementioned square?).
Then I hear God's voice inside of me..."sit with the pain".
Hearing is fine.
Heeding is hard.

But sit I do...
Here I sit. Sit. Sit.
Ahh...here it comes.
Sit with the suicide of a client.
Less than 24 hours out of the hospital and she's dead.
Her name scrawled carelessly on our "hot cases board".
In red no less,
Could it be more macabre?
And all the while she was already gone.
After 20 plus attempts I was dismissive of her:
Dismissive of her pain.
"Oh yeah, her again"!
There was nothing new to say in Rounds:
No fresh clinical insight or treatment regimen.
My prayer is that next time I'll be less dismissive and say,
"Hey now, remember Miss C." and do better.

I heard:
I need to be filled with compassion, not food.

I heeded:
When I sit with the pain
God sits with me.

I learned:
And on this other side there is
Peace.

Autumn Benediction #‎movingforward

#‎movingforward‬ I have to thank all of you ladies and our praying leaders  for helping me to move forward this week. Last night I took some time and prayed for all of the people who I have given myself to in the past...trying to meet my needs and get approval from people other than God. It was a beautiful autumn evening and I took the scenic route home so I could gaze on the beauty of the colored leaves and changing scenery. I released each person, asked God to bless their lives and then RECLAIMED the many, many pieces of myself I had given away. I asked God to restore me to wholeness mind, body, heart and soul. This was the result:



 AUTUMN BENEDICTION


It is fitting that I released you in the autumn
The season of impending death
In nature.
I wished you well and blessed your life;
Praying for light and love.
Releasing you into the hand of God.

Then I prayed for myself…
A different kind of blessing
Please oh please
Like the blooms that fade in fall
Wither
Then die...
I beseech the Almighty to
Shrink your hold on me
In much the same way;
Restore the fragments of me
To me
So that I am whole;
So that I am free.