WHAT WE NEED IS UNDERSTANDING

A HIGH PROFILE MAN LOSES HIS JOB AFTER IT IS ESTABLISHED THAT HE IS A BATTERER.  THE NEXT DAY HIS WIFE DEFENDS HIM AND THEIR LIFE. THESE ARE THE FACTS AS I KNOW THEM FROM MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE(S) WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:  #1. IT IS A SCOURGE; #2. IT IS NOT UNUSUAL FOR BOTH BATTERERS AND VICTIMS TO HAVE WITNESSED DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN THEIR FAMILY AS CHILDREN AND/OR TO HAVE BEEN ABUSED THEMSELVES; #3. WE DON'T GET TO STAND IN JUDGEMENT.  I HAD SOME VERY NAIVE VIEWS ABOUT PARTNER ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WHEN I STARTED IN THIS FIELD.  MY HOPE IS TO BE A VOICE OF EDUCATION, REASON, AND PROTECTION.

ONCE WHEN I WAS A MUCH YOUNGER WOMAN

MUCH.YOUNGER.

I WORKED AT THE BATTERED WOMEN’S PROGRAM

WITH THE SECRET ADDRESS

AND CONFIDENTIALITY STATEMENTS

OH HOW COOL WAS THAT???

I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON’T KNOW

INFLATED EGO

SMALLISH MIND

UNTIL THE DAY I WAS CLOSING FILES

AND SAW SOMEONE’S NAME I KNEW

AND RESPECTED

WHO WAS SMART

AND EDUCATED

DOING THE JOB OF CARING FOR OTHERS

SO. VERY. WELL.

HOW?

THEN I SAT THROUGH A TRAINING

AND HEARD A WOMAN CRY.

SHE HAD ACCIDENTALLY KILLED

HER HUSBAND DURING A FIGHT

(STABBING HIM REPEATEDLY. HER EFFORT

TO GET HIM TO STOP PUNCHING HER)

“BEFORE THE FIGHT? THAT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF OUR LIVES”

THE SENIOR COUNSELORS DARED ME WITH

THEIR EYES

TO WALK OUT

MY DISGUST WAS SO APPARENT

GOING TO SLEEP WITH A KNIFE UNDER HER PILLOW

JUST. IN. CASE.

WHO?

SOME LESSONS YOU LEARN

ONLY THROUGH THE LIVING

WHEN LEAVING MEANS

ABUSES OF OTHER KINDS

WHEN STAYING MEANS

YOU HAVE NOWHERE TO GO

IS A VICTIM ANY LESS A VICTIM

IF SHE UNAWARE

OR IF HE IS TOO

PLEASE. NO. MORE.

 

NINE YEARS AGO

I would never suppose that my experience of Katrina was worse than that of my family, friends and others who lived through it. Yet for those of us who call New Orleans home but no longer live there, it was a different kind of hell: watching your cherished home and family flooded out; being unable to communicate with loved ones for days and days and wondering if they were still alive; watching the clumsy attempts of elected officials trying to “help” and feeling helpless yourself; spending hours and hours scouring message boards trying to locate and connect with family and friends.  Before Katrina I could easily say that "all my family lives in New Orleans". Not so today; we are scattered between Texas, Atlanta, the Midwest and other places too. I am grateful we have scattered because at the very least it means that we have survived. Still, on August 29^th each year I remember, I reflect, I get angry (citizens of the US who lose their homes may be DISPLACED, but are not REFUGEES), I cry and try to make meaning of it all. 

Depressed by water

Oppressed by water

Upset by water

Beset by water

The world watches

My hometown drowns

Water water everywhere

Not to baptize

But to destroy

Horror water

Warring water

Besieged by water

Beleaguered by water

Water Water

From my eyes

9 years later

Still we cry

Here is a link to pictures of my family’s home as it looks today and one from a couple of months after the flooding.  Still kind of horrifying, but we have some really good memories in this house!

https://www.google.com/maps/@30.038036,-89.996764,3a,75y,339.6h,72.18t/data=!3m4!1e1!3m2!1s0ioPsdSxmlUtG99J8uzWqg!2e0!6m1!1e1

Words Are The Thing

If you persist

The words will eventually come

Keep striding

Untiring

They’ll spill out onto the page

Bringing Life

Longing

Unshed tears

Unearthed from your soul

Birthed as prayers

And unsung songs

Taking residence in a world

Of their own

Exhale

Then they’re gone

Excised bits of marrow and bone

A necessary rending

Left undone

It becomes wrenching

Unbearable barrenness

An ardent remedy is ready:

The words are the thing

50 (+) Things I Learned From Daddy

June is not an easy month for me. My father’s birthday was on June 9. Father’s Day has been bittersweet for me since Daddy died on June 26 (that’s right, June again) 1990. It’s been 24 years this year since I’ve had my Daddy. He lives on in my heart, in my memories, in the wisdom he shared. I need to celebrate him so I will share some of his wit to honor him and his memory.  

He taught me:

1. Appreciation of a good steak (and it can’t be found at Outback, sorry)
2. The importance of staying involved (in your community, church, etc.)
3. Children matter
4. How to tip well (and why you always should)
5. The beauty of the Arts (Ballet, Opera, Jazz, the Symphony)
6. Register to vote and then DO IT!
7. How to keep a well stocked liquor cabinet
8. The difference between good liquor and really fine liquor
9. The medicinal purposes of some alcohol
10. The difference between a real football fan and a fan of a particular football team
11. How to grocery shop and meal plan
12. How to identify corrosion on battery cables, get rid of said corrosion and keep it at bay (not with a Coke either)
13. How to change a tire;
14. The value of keeping a Triple A membership
15. How to drive a stick shift AND the purpose of each gear;
16. When to shut up
17. How to give someone “The Look” that will make them shut up
18. Mystery stories (a la Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine)
19. That there is more than one way to worship God; just because someone doesn’t go to the same church as you do, or share your faith doesn’t mean that they love God any less;
20. Being impulsive and indulging whims
21. Never forgetting a kindness
22. There is no good reason to wait to tell someone you love them or better yet to show it
23. POETRY! (he gave me my first book of poetry; thank you Daddy)
24. Pastrami sandwiches (I know this may seem like a small thing, but there are few “real” Jewish delis in New Orleans)
25. New Orleans is not the only place in the world to live nor is it the only place in the world with good food (see # 24 and the pastrami comment)
26. There is no other place in the world quite like New Orleans and if you leave, you will always miss it (I do)
27. Always look for a bargain
28. Editors edit, commentators comment, and critics critique. It’s their job to do so, but that doesn’t mean that they are always right
29. Pajamas can be the garment of choice in many situations
30. Neither education alone, nor IQ can predict achievement; however...
31. Education is important;
32. Don’t be a doormat
33. READ!
34. PRAY…more than once a day
35. “War is hell, and doubly so when you’re Black” (written by Daddy to me on the face sheet of Come Out Fighting, the book which chronicles the feats of his Tank Battalion, the 761^st, in WWII)
36. Family is made up of the people you love…whether or not there exist “blood ties”
37. Don’t just learn how to cook, learn how to cook well
38. There is a proper way to wash the dishes (glassware first!)
39. Standards (the musical kind)
40. To spontaneously break into song anywhere and for any reason
41. Counting to 10 before losing it (I’m still working on this one as was Daddy before he died)
42. A love of learning
43. Sometimes race matters when it shouldn’t (and vice versa)
44. That I am just as smart as anyone else
45. It doesn’t matter what people think of you as long as YOU know what you’re doing
46. Familiarize yourself with Public Transportation…always
47. Your opinions are just that: YOURS. If people want to know, they’ll ask
48. Don’t ask the hard question if you are not ready for the answer (and then don’t get angry if you ask anyway and GET the hard answer)
49. LAUGH…a lot!
50. Sometimes all you have to offer is a cool drink, and that will be enough
51. You cannot buy class (although he would have used the term "deportment")
52. Quality tobacco does not smell badly. If your cigar stinks, then it's probably a cheap one
53. The benefit of hard work
54. Good parents are usually the experts on their children, so don't let "experts" make recommendations for your children with which you do not agree. Be an advocate...a STRONG one

I could probably keep this list going on and on as I think about my Father and what he meant to me. Much of what am I today comes from lessons like these. It is in this that he lives on; I am comforted and I can smile.  Memories are the treasure I get to keep.

SHOTS…THOUGH THE LIVES OF MY SONS

Sometimes it seems like time has taken up hyper-speed in my life with my sons. Events of many years ago evoke emotion like it was yesterday.  This is one way for me to capture lots of event in their lives like a time capsule, if you will...in terms of "Shots"

Shots

The first ones ever

Those necessary evil needles

Piercing your skins

As your cries do likewise to the air

And my insides melt

With each yelp

Shot

My nerves are, that is

From utter exhaustion

Night feedings

Your energy as you move like a

Well…a Shot!

Shots

The hold-my-breath

Hope he makes it into the basket kind

Or into the net

Standing around pool tables

With little to offer

In the way of skill

Though a wealth of stadium cheers

Well inside me

Whether victory or defeat

Cheering cheering cheering you on

Shots

The low blow kind

Wasted words on me

Whose love cannot be

Diminished

With wanton ways

Slanderous sayings

Who’ll by no means be

Rejected, ejected

From you three

Shots

Fired at a local high school

How is it that I remained standing

When I lost my legs

That day

And couldn't answer your,

“Mom, what happened?”

And did not exhale until

We sat in Asian Bistro

With your appetite intact

Intellect intact

Bright, brilliant, brown eyes

Making fun of the kid

Who peed out the window

Shots

The Rite of Passage

Alcohol kind

Downed in haste

With no thought

Of disgrace

Landing flat on your ass

Falling flat on your face

Shots

Picturesque

Witty

Whimsical

Wild

Expansive

Expressive

Wow’ed by your talent

Your inspired eye

Shots

Unflinchingly

Facing the future

Dauntlessly dancing

Free

From constraint

From complacency

From expectation

I sit in the stands

Clapping madly

Though the finish line

Is nowhere in sight

In the Absence of Chaos

In those moments of quietude In the early darkness before sunrise when the world is at rest I gather the bits of silence about myself like frayed colored ribbons torn loose from some fabric only to weave them into a mantle I drape over my shoulders and sometimes my head. Then the real work begins... to excavate the secrets of my soul. For it is only in stillness can we abide at the crossroads of Why and Now. And without haste make a choice to venture one way or the other. Or to even turn around and face the Sun. Naked we stand in a world without sound for it is then we feel a touch from God; Hush lest you miss the voice of the Almighty

HONEY MOON

Last Friday the 13th there was an astronomical rarity with the appearance of a
Full "Honey Moon".  From the stories that circulated about this occurrence, a full moon falling on a Friday the 13th in June hadn't been seen since June 13, 1919.  The next one will be June 13, 2098.  It was bright. It was beautiful. It really was honey colored. And it inspired the following.


I saw the Honey Moon
Hanging there so brilliantly
And when its light shone in my eyes
It brought to mind my own Honey

Wondering if that Honey Moon 
Was shining somewhere on my sweet Honey
Since that Honey of mine
Wasn't lying next to me

They say that eyes 
hadn't seen the Honey Moon
For almost 100 years
Please tell me why then Honey Moon
Does your honey light only bring me tears

My sweet honey's far away from me
Your honey light makes that so clear
Go away now honey moon
Go and cast your light elsewhere

My honey's gone
There's only darkness
Guess that's the end 
Of this honeyed affair